Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
