Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
