I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
