He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
