and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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