Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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