I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
