I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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