You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
