just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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