I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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