he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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