i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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