how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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