I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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