So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sobbing to NWA
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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