i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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