she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize