She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This baby is an asshole
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
