OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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