Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
sarcasm needs its own font
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
