trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
