Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
