i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
