I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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