If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
