Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
