Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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