We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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