we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
