Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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