so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
