I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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