There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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