I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
