Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
