I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize