Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
