my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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