i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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