He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
