Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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