no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
