i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
