butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
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i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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