You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
