Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
