TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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