Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize