I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
