Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
