Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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