I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
