So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
