Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Enjoy the penises
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
