best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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