I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
