I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
