I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
