I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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