It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
