so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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