just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
