I saw his package. It spoke to me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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