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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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