In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
